I was having a conversation today with my 'beloved' daughter and those were her exact words to me...and I quietly laughed to myself because it just made me think a gazillion times more. So now, at this moment, I am pondering on thinking about thinking.
I think some of the best work I have ever created has always been born from some of my greatest moments of sadness. It's like sadness is an 'opportunity' for me, a door opening, a way for me to really get to the nitty gritty heart and soul of things, to my creativity. Through some of life's moments of great sadness I have been given opportunities to delve deeper within myself to where I have uncovered many hidden treasures. If I think my greatest moments of sadness produce what I believe to be my hidden treasures, then surely there is room in my life for these great moments of sadness? There are always moments happening in my life that leave me pondering over many different things and wondering what this life is really all about? When I am sad I tend to think too much, and it is during these great moments of thought that my creativity pours out...
Today I had an epiphany moment...I realise that I am very good at lying to myself, by 'thinking' I am feeling one way, when in actual fact, I know that I am 'feeling' a very different way. I need to learn to accept that some things in life are not as I 'perceive' them to be, or more honestly, not how I want to 'perceive' them to be. I realise it is time to stop ignoring what is truth, and no amount of denying that will make it any different than just the plain simple truth, and that just leaves me now with even more questions in which to search for answers to, thus leading to even more thinking and even still, more thoughts.
Are my 'thoughts' preventing me from getting the results that I want? Am I even 'not' getting the results I want? Are there roadblocks to 'thinking to much'? Am I in danger of being labelled as an 'over-thinker?' Am I getting lost in my overthinking? Is my 'thought and action' simply complicating my life and turning it into a rebellious battle against life? An unnecessary struggle in my head? Geez, just thinking about this is hurting my head.
I don't want to live my life slipping into 'possible future scenarios' instead of living what I am doing right now, and in writing this I realise that I am very slow to get things done. I give things a very good think over before I act, evaluate from every angle, sometimes take years to put my plans into action, and sometimes flog that 'dead horse' beyond death. So in actual fact, less thought would actually save me a hell of a lot of time. I don't have to think about everything. I can just stay 'present' and let the right actions naturally arise. I may actually find that the results are better than if I had of put a lot of thought into it! Trust in my capabilities, and there in itself is a big clue...the lack of trust and faith in my own capabilities, the lack of confidence within myself.
In saying that however, there are some things to this life that 'just are'...life is nothing more than a series of pulls back and forth...I want to do one thing and yet I am bound to do something else. Something hurts me, yet I know it shouldn't. I take certain things for granted, even when I know I should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like the pull on a rubber band, and most of us live somewhere in the middle, and which side wins? Love always wins. Aaaah yes...thus leading to even more thinking and more thought.
So on an end note for today...less thought and more action...and I am smiling x
